She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize