that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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