Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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