i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
