I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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