I wish I could teleport
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
