Can i not drive my cunt home
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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