I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
