onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bring me that man meat
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
