it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
