How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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