dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
