Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
