You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
