im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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