I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
