I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
