Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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