I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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