I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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