apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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