I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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