So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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