You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
