capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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