Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
