I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
