I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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