i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
