my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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