i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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