I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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