I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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