My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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