Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
