I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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