I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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