Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
