hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
