So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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