Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
