I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
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