got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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