I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
