FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
