Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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