Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
