All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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