I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
