Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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