Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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