The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
