Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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