Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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