Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
