I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm too high and old for this...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
