I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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