Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
