Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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