If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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