He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
