I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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