Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
