how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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