So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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