I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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