Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
