he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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