me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
