All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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