I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
