I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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