I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
