good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
