No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
