apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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