Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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