But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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