You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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