i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
