screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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