dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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