I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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