Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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