I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
