I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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