im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
