so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
